Trainwreck Cabaret

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Bad Movie Night

Every Sunday 8PM $6.99 (new price starting 1/5/12)

In the tradition of Mystery Science Theater 3000,
except you can't tell which ones are the robots.
— David Manning

Cinema is our culture's dominant art form.
It holds up a mirror to who we are.
It reflects our society, our dreams, our hopes, our fears.
Our films are how future generations are going to judge us.

Unfortunately, most of them suck.

Seriously, though—ever notice how you can't walk down the street or open a magazine or stand in line at a store or simply exist without ads for some dumbass multi-zillion dollar movie about a talking kangaroo being shoved down your throat?

And then they expect you to pay fifteen dollars to see it in some googolplex, and after sitting through a half hour of commercials? Or watch it on DVD and have to sit through even more commercials and anti-piracy ads that you can't skip past? Doesn't it all just piss you off?

If so—or if you just like to have a good time—then Bad Movie Night is for you.

Laugh with the hosts riffing on the movie. Yell your own comments. Try to figure out what the hell "Skull Films!" means. Help yourself to the free popcorn. Enjoy the non-alcoholic beverage of your choice purchased from the store across the street. Don't worry if the guy behind the counter glares at you. He does that to everyone.

Best of all, only pay six measly bucks (and ninety-nine measly cents).

Join us.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

(x-men: first class)

Oh, thank goodness February is almost over.

Much like the superheroes themselves, watching these dumb stupid superhero movies has achieved what I had previously thought impossible: I'm actually looking forward to watching Steven Seagal movies in March.

But we're not there just yet. We still have yet another fucking X-Men movie to get through.

And, thankfully, we have our favorite YouTube movie-reviewer people (people who review movies on YouTube, but the movies they're reviewing are not actual YouTube movies, they just use YouTube as a medium for reviewing—oh, never mind) to take us the end.

We can't not have the nattily HD Jason Biggs impersonator JeremyJahns starts us off. We just can't not.

My imaginary YouTube girlfriend indymogul is back, and with a better t-shirt this time.

Speaking of women whom I respect for both their brains and their manes, PressHeartToContinue is back.

And, yes, ChrisStuckmann. Cultivate the stubble, broheim.

Finally, broadcasting live from the beautiful The Construct located in downtown The Matrix, it's thefrickenfilmcritic (and his tonsils)!

Oh, I'm gonna miss those crazy kids next month. But I'm not going to miss these movies.

Your hosts Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, and Alexia Staniotes
will have Xs on their eyes when this movie's over.

March 4, 2012 Hard to Kill Steven Seagal is evidently hard to kill, which is not to be confused with dying hard, plzkthxbai. Ponytailed wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Rose Lacy, and other seagulls.

March 11, 2012 Under Siege Steven Seagal is under siege, I guess, by Tommy Lee Jones in a biker jacket. Pock-marked pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Jason Wiener, and other Joneses.

March 18, 2012 On Deadly Ground Steven Seagal saves the permafrost by talking people to death. And occasionally sticking knives through their heads, which is pretty much the same thing. Oily wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Tristan Buckner, and other noble savages.

Bad Movie Night's Seventh Anniversary! March 25, 2012 Red Dawn Patrick Swayze plays a high-school football player leading a bunch of kids in a battle against multicultural commies. Painful, probably socialist math: this will be the eighth time we've done this movie. Socialized pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Andy Wenger, Damien Chacona, and other Wolverines!!!11!!1

April 1, 2012 Enter the Dragon It means that a dragon is entering a room, right? Not that something is entering a dragon? I'm not sure I could handle that. Scaley wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Rose Lacy, and other Jeet Kune Doers.

April 8, 2012 Black Belt Jones Fact: Jones wears the black belt for the slimming effect, which is why he also avoids horizontal lines. #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement Afrotastic pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Maura Sipila, and other joneses.

April 15, 2012 Game of Death So not only did Tarantino...er...indulge himself Bruce Lee's corpse, he got sloppy seconds after this movie. Also, eww! Posthumous wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Tim Kay, and other kareems.

April 22, 2012 Gymkata Gymkata! Gymkata! (It's just a fun word.) Whitewashed pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Tristan Buckner, Ira Emsig, and other clousers.

April 29, 2012 The Last Dragon Not to be confused with The Last Airbender. For the love of god, do not confuse it with that. Will wackiness ensues? Sho'nuff! Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Dan Foley, John Hell, and other shoguns.

May 6, 2012 Village of the Damned (1995) Mysterious, blonde children turn out to be mind-controlling space aliens. So it's like They Live without bubblegum or ass-kicking. Gosh-darned wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Ira Emsig, and other villagers.

May 13, 2012 Escape From L.A. More like escape from a sequel than never shoulda been made, amirite? Snakey pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Ziad Ezzat, and other Russells.

May 20, 2012 Vampires Finally, John Carpenter's long-awaited werewolf epic! Lycanthropic wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Alexia Staniotes, and other wolves.

May 27, 2012 Ghosts of Mars After this movie, John Carpenter took nearly a decade off from filmmaking. See if you can figure out why. Ghostly pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Tristan Buckner and other venusians.

June 3, 2012 Skyline Aliens attack Los Angeles. But the people they attack are kinda douchey, so it evens out. Horizontal wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Dan Foley, and other skywatchers.

June 10, 2012, 6pm Special Event (in a box!): Rhiannon and Sherilyn's Alien and Aliens Double Feature Birthday Sleepover! To celebrate Rhiannon and Sherilyn's birthday(s), we're going to riff on the first two Alien movies, the ones that (mostly) didn't suck. The sorta-kinda-sequel Prometheus will have been released a few days before, so be sure it to see it first, or these movies will make no sense at all. Bring your jammies and blankets and get cozy. Necking with the birthday girls encouraged. Xenomorphic wackiness will ensue. SHOW BEGINS AT 6PM, BITCHES. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Rhiannon Charisse and... 6pm: Alien - Mikl-Em 8pm: Aliens - Mike Spiegelman

June 17, 2012 Cowboys & Aliens There are cowboys. There are aliens. Woohoo. Cowpokin' wackiness ensues. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Maura Sipila, Alexia Staniotes, and other roughriders.

June 24, 2012 Battle: Los Angeles Not to be confused with Battle of Los Angeles. Actually, on second thought, go ahead and confuse them. I don't even care anymore. Sprawling pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mikl-Em, Rose Lacy, and other angelenos.

7/1/12: The Fast and the Furious 7/8/12: 2 Fast 2 Furious 7/15/12: The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift 7/22/12: Fast and Furious 7/29/12: Fast Five

8/5/12: 9 1/2 Weeks 8/12/12: Angel Heart 8/19/12: Harley Davidson & The Marlboro Man 8/26/12: The Immortals

9/2/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 9/9/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Part One) 9/16/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Part Two) 9/23/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Part One) 9/30/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Part Two)

10/7/12: Dracula 2000 10/14/12: Blade: Trinity 10/21/12: Fright Night (2011) 10/28/12: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

The itty-bitty Bad Movie Night Archive links: 2012 | 2011 | 2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2005-2006