SF Sketchfest in the Mission

Crackpot Crones: The "I Hate Valentine's Day" Show

Living Impaired

The Business

Bad Movie Night

Every Sunday 8PM $6.99 (new price starting 1/5/12)

In the tradition of Mystery Science Theater 3000,
except you can't tell which ones are the robots.
— David Manning

Cinema is our culture's dominant art form.
It holds up a mirror to who we are.
It reflects our society, our dreams, our hopes, our fears.
Our films are how future generations are going to judge us.

Unfortunately, most of them suck.

Seriously, though—ever notice how you can't walk down the street or open a magazine or stand in line at a store or simply exist without ads for some dumbass multi-zillion dollar movie about a talking kangaroo being shoved down your throat?

And then they expect you to pay fifteen dollars to see it in some googolplex, and after sitting through a half hour of commercials? Or watch it on DVD and have to sit through even more commercials and anti-piracy ads that you can't skip past? Doesn't it all just piss you off?

If so—or if you just like to have a good time—then Bad Movie Night is for you.

Laugh with the hosts riffing on the movie. Yell your own comments. Try to figure out what the hell "Skull Films!" means. Help yourself to the free popcorn. Enjoy the non-alcoholic beverage of your choice purchased from the store across the street. Don't worry if the guy behind the counter glares at you. He does that to everyone.

Best of all, only pay six measly bucks (and ninety-nine measly cents).

Join us.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

SF Sketchfest Presents:
(voyage to the planet of prehistoric women)

(This is originally written for sfweekly.com. Also, admission is $15, 'cuz it's Sketchfest.)

When I was choosing a feature for the upcoming SF Sketchfest 2012 Bad Movie Night (Sunday, January 29, get your tickets now!), I knew we were going to need a doozy of a stinker, a public domain oddity whose quality was obvious from the title.

And I found it: 1968's Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women. Sounds horrible, huh? It's not to be confused with 1966's Women of the Prehistoric Planet, but it is to be confused with 1965's Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet, as well as a 1962 Soviet sci-fi film called Planet of Storms.

Confused? I'll explain.

Planet of Storms is an odd mix of pulpy sci-fi and dour Russian cinema. It opens with glum cosmonauts in a Tarkovsky-esque brood-mode.

While there's plenty of brooding left to go, rubber-monster wackiness ensues when they land on Venus, including a mean red mother in outer space.

So Roger Corman bought Storms, had Curtis Harrington dub it into English, re-edit it, and shoot some new footage on the cheap, and Corman released it as Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet. Much of the brooding was removed (as well as a female cosmonaut), and dialogue that wasn't very smart in the first place was dumbed further down.

Never one not to use every part of the cow several times, Corman then hired Peter Bogdanovich to re-edit Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet -- not Storms, mind you, but the already-Americanized version -- into a third movie.

Bogdanovich removed Harrington's new footage, covered much of the redubbed dialogue with narration, and excerpted the intro and other effects from Battle Beyond the Sun, itself a re-edit by Francisco Ford Coppola of another Russian sci-fi film, The Sky is Calling.

Most importantly, Bogdanovich shot scenes of Mamie Van Doren on the shores of Big Sur Venus as the leader of a group of clamshell-bikini-wearing, pterodactyl-worshipping women who are totally prehistoric -- Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, QED -- and totally worth the $15 admission. Get your tickets now!

By the way, the aforementioned Women of the Prehistoric Planet bears no relation to these other movies beyond the samey-sounding name. Forget I aforementioned it.

And we'll see you on January 29.

Jim Fourniadis, Sherilyn Connelly, and Mike Spiegelman
will be doing their own Tarkovsky-esque brooding after riffing through this movie.

February 5, 2012 Thor SPOILER: The hammer is his penis. Wackiness (which u can't touch, so don't even try, seriously) ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Ziad Ezzat, and other sledges.

February 12, 2012 Captain America: The First Avenger The title of a movie seems like a weird place for a firstie, but I've never really understood superheroes. Dimple-chinned pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Tim Kay, and other discharged expatriates.

February 19, 2012 Green Lantern This is a prequel to The Great Gatsby or something, right? With the green light and all? Like I said, I don't know much about superheroes. Wackiness which means you can safely cross the street ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Dan Foley, and other Colemans.

February 26, 2012 X-Men: First Class Nothing says "superhero action!" than a bunch of people standing around in comfortable, seasonally appropriate clothing. Whee. Freshman pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Alexia Staniotes, and other dropouts.

March 4, 2012 Hard to Kill Steven Seagal is evidently hard to kill, which is not to be confused with dying hard, plzkthxbai. Ponytailed wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Rose Lacy, and other seagulls.

March 11, 2012 Under Siege Steven Seagal is under siege, I guess, by Tommy Lee Jones in a biker jacket. Pock-marked pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Mikl-Em, Jason Wiener, and other Joneses.

March 18, 2012 On Deadly Ground Steven Seagal saves the permafrost by talking people to death. And occasionally sticking knives through their heads, which is pretty much the same thing. Oily wackiness ensues. Hosts: Sherilyn Connelly, Mike Spiegelman, Tristan Buckner, and other noble savages.

Bad Movie Night's Seventh Anniversary! March 25, 2012 Red Dawn Patrick Swayze plays a high-school football player leading a bunch of kids in a battle against multicultural commies. Painful, probably socialist math: this will be the eighth time we've done this movie. Socialized pandemonium reigns. Hosts: Jim Fourniadis, Andy Wenger, Damien Chacona, and other Wolverines!!!11!!1

4/1/12: Enter the Dragon 4/8/12: Black Belt Jones 4/15/12: Game of Death 4/22/12: Gymkata 4/29/12: The Last Dragon

5/16/12: Village of the Damned 5/13/12: Escape from L.A. 5/20/12: Vampires (1998) 5/27/12: Ghosts of Mars

6/3/12: Skyline 6/10/12: Special Event: Rhiannon and Sherilyn's Alien & Aliens Double Feature Birthday Sleepover! 6/17/12: Cowboys & Aliens 6/24/12: Battle: Los Angeles

7/1/12: The Fast and the Furious 7/8/12: 2 Fast 2 Furious 7/15/12: The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift 7/22/12: Fast and Furious 7/29/12: Fast Five

8/5/12: 9 1/2 Weeks 8/12/12: Angel Heart 8/19/12: Harley Davidson & The Marlboro Man 8/26/12: The Immortals

9/2/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 9/9/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Part One) 9/16/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Part Two) 9/23/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Part One) 9/30/12: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Part Two)

10/7/12: Dracula 2000 10/14/12: Blade: Trinity 10/21/12: Fright Night (2011) 10/28/12: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

The itty-bitty Bad Movie Night Archive links: 2011 | 2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2007 | 2005-2006